Warm and cold
Tap once when something between you lands warm. Tap once when something lands cold. After a week you will not get a score — you will get something more useful than one.
Start whenever something happens. One tap, no typing — the moment you have to describe a moment, you stop logging it.
What the 5:1 ratio actually says
Count the interactions in any relationship — the smiles, the snaps, the thanks, the sighs — and a pattern emerges that John Gottman quantified: couples that last maintain roughly five positive interactions for every negative one during conflict, and closer to twenty-to-one in everyday life.
The number people repeat is the conflict one. That is why 5:1 sounds manageable and ordinary life feels harder than the arithmetic suggests — the everyday bar is four times higher, and almost nobody has heard it. We wrote about the mechanism in the arithmetic of feeling loved.
Why this tool refuses to score you
Because it cannot do it honestly. A counter like this one measures what you noticed, and noticing is lopsided: a snap registers, a thank-you on the way past does not. Whatever you end the week with will under-count the warm side, probably by a lot.
So there is no threshold here, no pass or fail, and no comparison to other couples. A tool that told you your relationship was below a line, using a number built out of your own selective memory, would be doing something worse than useless.
What the week is good for is the other thing entirely. Counting makes you notice, and noticing warm moments is most of the mechanism the research describes. The instrument changes what it measures — which is a problem in physics and the entire point here.
How to use it
Keep the page open in a tab, or add it to your home screen. Tap in the moment rather than reconstructing the day at bedtime; reconstruction is where the under-counting gets worse. Miss days without guilt — a gap in the week is data about the week.
At the end, do not add it up and judge it. Look at the shape: which days were thin, and whether you were catching the warm ones by Friday more easily than you did on Monday.
Amendi is a self-guided program informed by relationship research, not therapy. If you are afraid of your partner, see our support resources.